Tuesday, 20 July 2010


Sigh, well to be honest I am only doing this out of complete and total boredom, I don’t really no why I am bothering to tell you the truth, but ho-hum here I am again typing words like a mad man, ranting about this and that, shooting off crackpot theories and such, ah well, its all a bit of a laugh really ain’t it… well no its not actually, but who gives a Tour de France as its blog number 27 from the Aldershot Woes.

Its weird init the level of communication we have these days, I mean in the last 15 years we have gone from only speaking to each other when absolutely necessary or at a carefully organised times, to now, when we flap our gums about allsorts of incessant gibberish non fucking stop. We have even invented new methods of communication to share more of ourselves with anyone who will befriend us and listen… Nowadays not content with being reachable 24 hours a day via mobile, tapping out banter all day at work via Skype or MSN we also feel the need to publish real time life updates so everyone knows what you are doing, why you are doing it and exactly how long you have been doing what ever it is you are doing. Tweets? I just don’t get it, I mean for a rare handful of people who possess debonair, sparkling wit in abundance it is great, as they can reel off one liners about what ever it is they are doing and make everyone gush and guffaw and love them like mad, cos they’re brilliant, just brilliant. But the sad truth is the majority of people are grammatically cumbersome oafs and Twittering makes this abundantly clear to all and sundry and apart from looking as dumb as a pocket full of sugar puffs Twitterers also manage to purvey the fact that they are incredibly, painfully, headsplitting-with-a-hammerly boring, and all in 140 characters or less…

There are some things you need not share, that little voice that runs around your head and judges people and makes stupid jokes and thinks everyone hates you, or loves you and wonders about all the “what ifs” in the world should be left where it is, in your head. Twitter has given the internal monologue a platform to be heard and the end result is like reading the inside of a crazy person’s brain. And that is the worst thing about Twitter, we are all crazy, self obsessed, neurotic, attention starved, psychopaths… I don’t need twitter to highlight that, thank you very much.

Another of the more bizarre forms of modern day cyber communication that is truly beyond me is “statusing”, this is for Facebook users and is a like a tweet but smaller and possibly more inane. “Gormless prick is: Watching TV, bored”. “Waster Shitehawk is: Well excited about dinner, hmmm chippies”… Facebook as far as I can tell is the devil, I did have it for a short time, but I found it horribly intrusive as it gave people I hadn’t spoken to in a decade an excuse and ability to talk to me, and in the time it takes to be “added” you have 10 years of hard avoidance and ignoring flushed down the toilet. It is true when some does “add” you, you are offered the choice to embrace the digital olive branch or to ignore and give a 64 bit cold shoulder to whoever it is trying to be your “friend”. But here’s the worst thing, everyone you know has more friends than you do, so you’re in a dilemma, what to do??? Pros: More Facebook friends mean’s I am loved. Cons: It’s a convicted animal rapist??? Oh, well it weren’t my cat… “accept”, show me the love…

Social networking is truly a bizarre phenomenon, and it taps in to the very worst parts of our thoroughly despicable human minds. It creates a completely false representation of the world and gives all of its users a chance to whoop and holla like spoilt children. It creates a friendship economy where you are desperate for followers and friends, to prove your worth to other users. You must find and add friends, people you have seen in the street anyone who went to your school, people who look like people you know, people called Kevin, anyone female, peoples pets… anyone, anyone will do, please join me, please love me, please “friend” me…

The real world is nothing like this, and perhaps that’s why we’re all such dirty friend whores online? In real world, we don’t trust or like anyone very much and it can take years to become “friends” with some one, so perhaps the inhibition free world of online friending allows an environment we can let our guard down and just all get along and be pals... I mean its not, its an excuse to get friends and attempt to be witty and show everyone that you are popular, oh yes, sat on your laptop tweeting and adding friends on a Friday night, alone, in your PJs stroking your cat and regretting your whole entire existence and hating the silence in your heart but unable to drain out the cries of misery from your head… BLEEP… ooh, another friend request!... Why certainly Mr Nick Griffin, oh yes… I am loved, I am needed, I am “friend!”…

Facebook and Twitter also appear to be completely addictive, or so I am lead to believe, people are staying in to socialise on line, ignoring their flesh based friends in favour of the text based, putting pointing and clicking over pint-ing and clique-ing, which has led the great social networking paradox, as people sacrifice the real and difficult in your face world for the cosy in your browser version. It really is just a matter of time until we are just lumps of meat whizzing around on hover chairs like in wall-e, interfacing rather than interacting… and then how long till the wasps take over?

It’s scary it has come so far in such a short time, I still remember when mobiles were revolutionary and now we can’t live with out them (how did we meet with people in the long, long ago?) and I also remember not so long ago that mates emailing each other was pretty fucking flashy, and if someone had told me that before I was 30 it would be common practice for people to announce to all of their friends what they had for tea, I would think you were mad and I’d probably kick you in the shins and run for the hills… So what’s the next revolution in needless and pointless communication? BowelMates, a digital signal alerts all your followers when ever you do a poo, leaving details on size and weight, plus a snap shot of your straining mooey as it kerplunks? Where will it all end? Arguably in wasp domination… Anyway I can’t stop here talking about you saddos on Facebook and Twitter and Bebo and Myspace… I have got a game of World Of War Craft waiting for me…

I don’t feel a follow me on twitter gag is appropriate.



  1. I mean for a rare handful of people who possess debonair, sparkling wit in abundance it is great, as they can reel off one liners about what ever it is they are doing and make everyone gush and guffaw and love them like mad, cos they’re brilliant, just brilliant

    Well you can't all be like me can you but thanks for reminding everyone of my great qualities Mr RBA

  2. BowelMates

    best make sure you patent that one before the Facebook guy does

  3. First!!!!!!!!!

    Dont use twitter, only FB,and that only to check up on the neighbours the occasionals blogs, emails and speaking

  4. OK so I am not first
    teach me to refresh when I re read

  5. well i tried twitter. for about a week. i found it the opposite of addictive. its full of slightly worrying middelaged women with photos of themselves 15 years ago peddling whimsy with a hint of desperation.

    and its full of i wish i was oscar wildes but obviously im not. and its full of chicks building a bogus following with anyone in order to sell something, usually chicklit.

    i dont know what the fuck konnolsky is doing on there. hes a bona fide but even he sort of cheats - the good stuff is extended writing artificially broken down into 140 character chunks which you have to read upside down.

    and the apparent necessity of attracting a following on twitter means you cant tell the twats what you think of them as the ladies will hise up their peticoats and run off screaming.

    in short a fuckin load of succinct arse

  6. RBA that was a great blog, in fact i got 4 likes, from it:-

    first was from the mum of 5 who despite having 2 year old twins has the time to update her status 20 times a day, normally praising the bnp or falling out with her chavvy mates.

    second was from the nerdy guy who spunks all over his iphone and used to be a bus spotter.

    third was from the mum of two who has a photo album titled "cakes ive made"

    fourth was from the guy who's status updates include messages to his dead relatives (although seeing as facebook is satans invention, i suppose its possible his messages are getting through).

    And these 4 along with the fucking mob war and farmville fucking updates, is why i dont use it anymore.

    Fun for a couple of weeks, good to get in touch with some old mates but quickly boring.

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  8. scholesy that guy covering his iphone with DNA isnt tendulkar is it?

  9. I only read this blog coz I was real bored, like.

    Plus the oven timer showed me pizza be ready in 15 minutes and I had nowt to do.

    Still, agree with most of what the esteemed writer says.

    I am on facebook coz I live away from my family and childhood frinds. I am on twitter coz there are some jolly funny people there who sprout some nice one liners from time to time. Plus, íts summat to do while your coleagues take smoking breaks or while you are sitting on the crapper.

    Were I a wee lad in this day and age, I would know fuck all and be friend/close to fuck offs. The stuff aint real, as long as you know its not real, its OK.

    But it does creep up on you and before you know it, you are living your life in the virtual world.

    In all this socialnetcreepin' we seem to have forgotten that the real purpose of all this interweb thingy is to watch porn and muck about football with some like minded people and wum the others.


    See you on the other side.

  10. Bloggy....how the bloody hell did you get that? spot on!

  11. Another blog packed with genius observationalism and commentary on socialisation developmentality.

    I still use pigeons, me and Mike Tyson. We're a dying breed, him first I hope. I've been invited to join "facebook" by several friends and told them to "fuck off" in ways one can only say "fuck off" to a friend.

    As for Twitter, what's the point? Enough of you lot use it that the very creme de la creme get posted on Robbo's blog! Why the fuck would I want to fill my days with that when there's so many other more productive distractions and vices available.

  12. Another blog packed with genius observationalism and commentary on socialisation developmentality.


    you guys crack me up

  13. the real purpose of all this interweb thingy is to watch porn and muck about football with some like minded people and wum the others


    perfect description spit

  14. wowsers, cheers people, i am not really against face book as i do see it has a great purpose, especially as in stars example. but its like Orwell said, popularity makes you twatty and absoulte popularity makes you and absolute twat... that and i am an unsocialble miserly grump?

  15. to be fair RBA, i was a twat way before facebook came along...well according to my mum i was anyway.................sob

  16. Never got on Facebook or Twitter, a little bit because I don't know how they work, but mainly because I think they're a big waste of time.

    Excellent Woe RBruddah.

  17. Wreathed Solos, Slow To Headers.
    Rewashed Stool - Whose Leotards?
    Elated Hos Rows, Leaders Shot Ow! Headless Or Wot?
    Owl Headrest. So? Wastrel Shooed...