Tuesday, 29 June 2010


Watagwan bredders? I hope you have 5 minutes to read and digest the garbled ravings of a semi illiterate mad man, as you have just pulled up a chair to table 17 of the Aldershot Woes…

Now me, like a lot of footy loving people across the world, has a bitter taste in me mooey, it’s a taste that resembles burnt hair, earwax and the breath of a world champion shit gargler… it aint pretty! And what is causing this distress to the collective pallet of the footy loving world? Well I will let you know, if you really want to know which I am assuming you do, hence my pre typed rhetoric above… so I invite you to roll up your sleeves, loosen your tie and put on a comfy pair of walking shoes (smart/casual) as we take a sideways glance to the world of… Goal Line technology!

You know the problem with introducing goal line technology to football? No, of course not no one does, it would take about 10 seconds tops for the ref to get clarification from a 4th official. So how would that be a problem? It wouldn’t would it, it really wouldn’t. Constantly you see how this technology is helping fair play in other sports, so why not footy? Once more let me fill you in, its because a Swiss dandy and his French lover are scared, but are they right to be, or is it second nature for these clock making neutral surrender-men… Let’s fuel the flames of the argument in favour before we piss on it with the yellow liquid of reason and in the end see whether or not we’re any better off.

The first sport to usher in Goal-line technology was Tennis, and immediately it put an end to expletive filled outbursts from angry rich folks about the level of seriousness being expressed by umpires. Today in tennis Roger Fedderer can hit a tennis ball at 500mph on to a line thinner than the argument to play Heskey alongside Rooney, and within 2 seconds you can see from 12 different angles not only if it is in the line or on the line but by how many microns. So never again will a plucky little rich brat, a wrist achingly beautiful Russian tennis vixen or a bull-dyke cigar smoking man beast be wrongly punished or rewarded in this silly game. And the umpires can judge matches more fairly and be more respected as the doubt has been removed for them. Now they can sit there in peace, calling quiet please in there life guard style high chairs.

Now I am sure most of you are now asking what tennis has to do with real sport, and I’ll agree, not a great deal, but 2 more sports have welcomed the technology, the first is the huff and puff bully boy rugger buggers. Now Rugby is a silly game played by rich people and watched by fat people but despite my feelings of disdain towards the game there is no doubting the athletic prowess of some of its players. Take Joanna Loomey or what ever his name was, he was 7 foot tall, weighed 34 stone and could do the hundred meters in 9 seconds flat. In any other country in the world he would have been a central defender but he is from the land of Peter Jacksons props and sheep, New Zealand. They are a mixed up bunch down there, they are to Australia what Wales is to England, so you can imagine how shit things are. Any way, that big guy was a great athlete and a few others are as well, I’m sure. Now after running around and goosing each other up eventually these Neanderthal juger-twats try to get an oval shaped thing over a line. Now unlike the highly skilled game of footy, the line in rugger is the width of the pitch and there is no goalie, but still it has been known for the refs to get it wrong. So over a dirty pint served in a dead horses skull the rugger boys decided to introduce the goal line technology, now never again will a middle class fat man be wrongly rewarded or punished in the silliest game on earth. Another success for goal line technology…

But enough of silly sports only a minority of people play, what about cricket? Cricket is the lazy teenage son of sport, it is like chess played in white with beer, and though it is infested with the yah-yah stinks of the upper crust, in little pokey villages in far flung corners of the country working class people are allowed to play in second string teams regardless of talent. So that makes it sport enough for me, plus you can freely drink beer all day whilst watching it. It really is just a shame it is over shadowed by the filthy rich uber-twats of the barmy –army… fancy dress wearing wankers. Anyway once more I digress, when cricket heard about goal-line technology they pounced upon it and implemented in as soon as they could. They now use fourth officials for everything. They have one device that make bats-mans legs invisible to check for LBW, they use video replays for catches, and wides, where ever they can. They have gone mad on technology like a twat with an i-phone adding 4th official apps like crazy. The best and most beffudling is the awesomely titled Snick-omenter… it is a sonographical-reverberation-calculation-device used to see if the ball scrapes the wickets. Also they have included predator style heat vision to the replays to see the heat change in the area the ball hits, this is to see if it comes off the bat or the pads or some mad bollocks, who knows? They are techno mad in cricket land, and this has meant a fairer game played allowing us to beat the Ozzies twice in recent memory…

So why not football? What are they scared of? Every single piece of logic and common sense screams at them to introduce goal line technology and video referees. Not one sane person can say with any truth that the level of fair play would not increase with the introduction of video replays. There is no rational reason to NOT have goal line technology… and that is the reason Sepp Blatter is doing the right thing for football.

Tennis, Rugby, Cricket, all have thrived under the introduction of video refs as it puts an end to needless ranting and replaces it with cool, calm, logical and just end results. But football is the game it is because at any one single moment, any fluke occurrence can happen and the team that have dominated can swiftly become the team that has lost. A split second of madness, and 90 minutes of hard work can be undone. This is what makes football so great, the fact the referees are clueless and completely fallible adds a level of excitement and edge-of-seat drama that no other sport comes even remotely close to replicating. Do you really envisage a world where a goal is scored but not given, the players protest to the referee who then calls on the 4th official, a silence grips the stadium as eyes are fixed on a jumbo-vision screen as the replays are studied in secret, then the word GOAL flashes up on the screen with a shitty animation of a ball hitting the net in the background, the silence is then filled with the polite clap of the fans and the faint grumble of the opposition… God no, the injustices keep it interesting, its cruel, its horrible and it is by no means logical to carry on with out them, but by god man, this is football!

The introduction of these changes would lead to a sterilisation of football, which would lead to an era of emotionless stale polite footy… and then as it increases in politeness little Timmy and his mates will start to play and the elitism that chokes the life out of all other British sport would take its hold on footy. Football is an uncompromising ravenous bastard that will break your heart and make you cry a thousand times more times than you will cheer, and like any real love it needs the uncertainties and blind faith to flourish. Sepp Blatter, you are undoubtedly an English hating cunt smear of a man and for all I care you and your French fancy man can go and die in a hole somewhere, but stick to your guns on this one (a hard task for a frog and a neutral but give it a go please).

Well, 2 woes in 2 days, and hopefully the utter woe of the World Cup has been vanquished for another 4 years. As ever I don’t completely agree with what a I write but some where along the line I make a point, which I don’t necessarily agree with either, but there you go it is what it is… And so ends the 17th Aldershot Woe, and it was well on point, we all know darts doesn’t have any video refs and that’s a great sport, so why should footy…

You can’t follow me on twitter as I am grumpy and unsociable and I probably wouldn’t like you.



  1. Do you think lawn bowls should have video refs and Jack (not the barber) line technology?

  2. blimey mate youre a blog machine (have i said that before? deja vu all over again. you must write them all day long

    a wrist achingly beautiful Russian tennis vixen


    Jonna Loomey


    keep it up at some point someone will spot your talent and take you away from selling things into the glittering world of writing blogs all day. wait a minute....

  3. Cheers blogs thing is i actually am a blog writing machine i was created by amstrad in the 80s, i am now locked in a shed in aldershot connected to the internet via a dodgy dial up modem... well i wish i was anyway, i am just good at typing incoherent bollocks whilst do a mediocre performance at work... i need something in the back ground to distract me from what my job otherwise i wouldlose my mind (even more so)...

    Bell, no i do not think that video replays should eb used in lawn bowls as no one over 50 can use a VCR it would be a nitemare!

  4. The look on the assistant referee in the Argentina/Mexico game when they showed the replay showing Tevez miles offside was class. The ref also knew it was a bad decision but had to give the goal! Shame it happened to the Mexicans, wouldve laughed louder if it were Ingerland. (Thats what you get for the New Zeland reference! Still laughed though!!)

  5. you've crossed the fuckin' line with this Woe.

  6. haha, trotts for a second i thought you were genuinly pissed off with me, then i remembered what i wrote the thing about... class man!

  7. Living in Aldershot would have anyone with white lines on the brain!

  8. ha ha trott...made me laugh out loud.

    good one RBA. hope thie little un is doing well mate.

  9. http://matureishstudent.blogspot.com/2010/06/its-not-me-its-you.html

    It is you RBA!!


  10. more blinkin blogs than Robbo at the moment - good points of tennis, footie & cricket but I still would like replays for goals and red cards and penalties (unless awarded to United then replays would be banned)

    Tennis is a Yawn and Federer is out but please feel free to visit http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/06/yawn-tennis.html

  11. WOW, no computer for me for a eek and in the meantime you've thrown out 4 gems, highly impressed SNH5, Kerrrrrrtcchhhh.

    Please try and retrieve Woe 13, I too believe that that fat waste of skin is a talentless hack and a good ol' RBA Woe style roasting would be grand.

    Cheers bruddah.

  12. Just a thought, because I agree techno needs to be introduced
    It was eloquently by my fellow Rotherhamian(ugh?, Mr Webb, who said it was time to embrace anything that helps officials get it right, but would it affect the fluidity of the game.
    In all other sports the ball is dead, agst Germany Neuer threw the ball straight out and play continued(the cheating bastard)