Tuesday, 3 August 2010


Well, welcome to the new generation of slimmed down woes, what I am hoping to do is cram the same amount of uneducated, ignorant, rant in to a far smaller and hopefully more insulting blog. Although this is only the first paragraph and already I am waffling like a drunken uncle. Any way, Aldershot Woe 31: Cloning.

For some reason, far beyond my comprehension cloning scares the bejebers out of most people. But not for a sensible reason like the fear of the human race being taken over by an evil army of hick clones knocked up in a lab by US military scientists which cover the earth like a mulleted plague, stomping out humanity and listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd. And no one is worried about getting cloned and not knowing about it only to come home one day and see a doppelganger playing with your wife and kids, but before you can confront the maniacal clone your bundled in to a sack by government agents and shipped off to an island never knowing why or what the clone you is doing with your family!!!

Both of these situations scare the elbows off of me, but when you try to have a debate about cloning, these aren’t the issues being discussed. Apparently the worst thing about cloning is that it can be used to produce food… dear god no! Just this week there is an uproar as it has been reported in the New York times that a British dairy farmer is selling Cloned Cows Milk on the British market… This led me to ask a very serious question: am I the only one not remotely bothered by this? At the moment we cram moo-cows in to tiny sheds, attach automated nipple-sucks and drain the creatures of their milk as well as their dignity. We treat these creatures with no respect, they are merely tasty commodities to be traded bred, slaughtered and gobbled down. I am sure a couple of vegans or even worse “organics” may come on and say that there are better ways and you can get milk that has been wilfully offered by a cow who lives in field and has a really nice shed with an X-box and trendy artwork. (a picture of a barn with a swastika stencilled by Banksy or something?) Well bollocks to that, as I do not want to spend £20,000 on a pint of milk, I’m a realist and a carnivore, give me animal products and as cheap as you can sir… If any vegans do want to leave a message of complaint you are welcome to, but did you know that your Keyboard is made out of animal fats and mouse bones? You murderous bastard!

Anyway, as I like tasty meat and milk and cheese and anything else you can scrape off a dead animal and shove down your gullet, the idea of cloning to me is bloody good one. If you can tinkle about with some cow DNA and make a boneless ball of steak the size of a car then get on with it I say. Some people say that cloning for food production is unethical, usually the same people who say it is an affront to god, I think the exact opposite. Put your self in gods shoes for a moment, if you had created all life on earth and you treasure all of your creations equally, who would you prefer gets locked in a shed, executed and sliced up to feed chubby round-faced men folk? Would it be the ones you made and love, or the ones that were knocked up in a lab by a man with wearing sandles with cornflakes in his beard, and had absolutely nothing to do with you? If it were me I know who I’d pick.

The raucous that cloned and “GM” foods creates has me bewildered, I think this technology along with stem-cell research and any other DNA jiggery pokery should be embraced with open arms, lets be honest its this “playing god” that will feed the starved, cure the terminally ill and create an England team of genetic super freaks who can get passed the last 16 of a flipping world cup.

We’re already playing god, almost everything we do is an affront to nature, but so what, it makes life better, its not natural that we can have images beamed in to our living rooms, or have high speed broadband or Nintendo Wii but you don’t see a bunch of hippies and god botherers getting in a tizz about them… so why get in a big huff over cloned foods? It’s no more or less ethical than our current system of concentration camp intensive farming, and I don’t see that free range and organic is any better, if anything that’s worse, let the animals run around and think life’s all dandy and sweet, then one day fry its brain with a cow-prod and chop him up for some mushes burger meat…

If it were up to me I’d have huge labs growing steaks and fried chicken plants, we’d all have loads of food and the whole world would be a happier place. So please if you are going to be scared about clones please make it a for a good, sci-fi-esque world domination reason, because honestly what’s worse a yummy cloned meat burger washed down with a cool glass of clone milk or the fear that one day someone could clone an army of Gary Nevilles…



  1. My army of Gary Neville's is actually ready to march and will occupy startegic positions such as Aldershot and use them to take over the world.

    Also the main reasons against cloning are that it will lead to less diversity in the gene pool and casue long term harm to breeding stocks. There is also the worry that they will try to clone people and it will come out wrong and an army of genetically subnormal creatures will escape and destroy us. (They are currently kept at Eastlands but it is only a matter of time before they escape - if you don't believe me look at the Gallacher brothers and Carlos Tevez - they are clones I tell you, clones)

  2. Great rational consideration to the debate there RBBA. For my part I'm totally against cloning, unless it produces good looking sheep for those that like that sort of thing....helllllllllo Dolly!

  3. Super stuff RBA....couldn't agree more. Lynyrd Skynyrd...haha..brilliant..as good a reason as any to stop cloning....who wants to feed the poor anyway. Hypocrites..will probably turn out that all the 'this is against God' groups as funded by some food manufacturer praying for a food shortage

  4. I think the government should employ someone to go round inspecting these labs, maybe the Clone Ranger or some such (non-cloned)name

  5. wow, 4 comments and i hadn't even whored it around Robbos blog... get me ay!

    thanks for reading it and stuff...

    The only bad thing i can see about clones is them dreadful starwars movies... as for damaging the gene pool, Adam i am from Ashot, were down to gene puddle as it is...

  6. Mmmmmmmmmm Steak and Fried chicken plant, would they count as a vegtable too, like a GNev clone?

  7. Nah. I don't believe in none of that bullshit you just wrote. My ideology is the same and will always stay, and it goes.....


    My point, if we can clone some shit ass vegetable, then we can make flights that can take us to other galaxies to find proper food there. Simples, we "visit" the other planets, if they got enough food, we stay and in gibberish tell them we come in peace, screw their planet, move to planet x, use the same tactic, screw it, move to planet K, etc. If they fight, we nuke them. U've all seen what we can do in Independence Day and other stupid movies like that. I bet what we see in movies is kinda the other way round, those movies always depict them shit ass green eyed fuckers as superior. I tend to differ. I mean they don't do research on us, and yet we do research on them.
    So, while you're on there mate, you can clone me, send the clone to planet M, if he comes back with good news, we all go. If he don't come back, we send another clone to Y, that way you can preserve me!! And if all fails....... oh, where were we? Yeah we can clone that steak and carry on screwing the earth!!!

  8. haha BHB, the Clone Ranger and his horse....Saliva!

  9. Hey guys! I fink long as Robbo ain't posting vis mus' be ve community blog fer now. Whay you say?

  10. Say, I just had me a cheese pie and couldn't help wonder whether it came from a lab or a farmyard! You're influence is way bad RBA

  11. youve struck gold again RBA. blogtastic! ashot is the clonedyke for blogmendousness

    are you robbos clone?

    Bring on the Clones! i say

    religous nuts are only against it because they dont like watching cows have sex.

    hang on that dont make sense. so what! down with vicars want to have sex with cows and feel jealous of the cloning community.

    why let cows have sex at all when you can pay some highly trained scientist named keith to sneeze into a petri dish get his samples mixed up so its cloned otters milk youre drinking reelly

    im off to clone myself

    5 DAYS to FOOTIE!






  16. I'm reading it in MAY 2011. Vale won the league

  17. How is it I write these really well thought out blogs and you write utter crap and get more comments - blatantly unfair.


    Quite good actually if youa ll take the trouble to read it - if I do say so myself

    I reckon even JDR would be proud

  18. Very unfair Adam mate. So then I'll equalize by putting 6 more posts so that you've got more comments than him.......

  19. Sorry adam mate...

    Wowsers, thanks for the comments fellas, Monk... genius! Blogs i am from the past, we all are, its the misery if existence... but don't let it bother you as even the future is the past as soon as you know your there. i think.

    anyway cheers for the words... now everybody fuck off and leave adam lots of comments, he deserves them!