Thursday, 5 August 2010

Breath and Count to Ten

Hello, another day another Aldershot Woe, and fingers crossed I don’t waffle on to much and can keep it in its new condensed form, I like to think of these new smaller Aldershot Woes like little tiny owl pellets of misery, bad taste and ignorance. Anyway Aldershot Woe 32: Breath and Count to Ten.

There’s no doubt about it, we're getting angrier, we're more stressed, we're over worked, we're underpaid, and the entire world is at its tethers end. This wasn’t always a big problem for us, we’ve always been angry but previously we just got in to Basil Fawlty-esque comedy rages, hitting Mini’s with trees or screaming at inanimate objects, even kicking furniture breaking our toes and jumping up and down like characters from a Tom and Jerry cartoon… yeah for a long time rage was A-OK, a bit of harmless fun which helped channel anger in a comedic and therapeutic way, but things seem different now.

Rather than flying in to momentary rages to help us deal with life’s problems more and more people are letting it build up till the venomous rage spews around their body, filling their souls with compressed bile and hatred, contorting their view of life until pretty much everything is an unbearable misery, constantly seeing life through shit-tinted glasses. Until one day, over something mediocre and trivial the rage is unleashed and descends upon them like a cloud of fury and the nearest person to them falls foul of their built up anger and gets stabbed in the face with kitchen knife. And the shit thing is this is happening more and more every day, for as long as I can remember, every week there is a story about a debt ridden misery guts, or a spurned lover flipping their lids and murdering or battering completely innocent people… It’s tragic, see today’s news for proof of that but its also mind-breakingly absurd and hugely avoidable.

I think a large part of the problem is that now-a-days society is incredibly image conscious, people believe that how they look is what defines them. This has resulted in 2 sets of people emerging, on one hand we have cool people, not people who are cool, but people who actually want to be. The desperation of wanting to be “cool” means putting up a huge front, and a considerable part of that front is not looking like a prick. The other set of people are the ones who are constantly aware of how un-cool they are, they feel the burden heaped upon them by society unnecessarily and do there best to not stand out, to just exist in the shadows of “cool” people and a considerable part of being unnoticed is not looking like a prick. (I should note here that for cool, think wanker).

It’s these socially repressed people who end up exploding like a shaken can of anger-pop and spraying there fizzy rage all over innocent dolts, usually in the form of a blood bath. So here is the crux of today’s Woe, if you want to NOT one day come home, see your wife has ruined your favourite work shirt in the wash and then consequentially hack her to pieces with a bread knife before caving your own brain in with an ornamental statuette… don’t be afraid to look like an ignorant, mad, raging Neanderthalic, narrow minded, angry prick once in while. You will feel better and no one gets a screwdriver through their throat for being a tiny bit annoying, or just for being in the wrong place at the wrong rage.

So today, if your kids annoy you, bellow at them like a cartoon madman, if the cat is sick on the carpet, boot it up the arse, if your bank unfairly charges you for being overdrawn, ring them up and tear who ever you speak to a new one (big flipping whoops if it aint their fault, they work for the bank so its fair game!). Please stop the madness, and be a prick.



  1. Fame at last! oi be foist oi be!

  2. are you speaking about my blog or to your self in teh 3rd person mate? haha...

    Cheers mate and well in on being first...

    Vale and Shots for automatic promotion... MONSTER MONSTER!!

  3. ive racked my brain for my advice on how not to go on an angry rampage. nothing. howver, i did just get this spam pop-up which offered an 80% reduction on beauty treatments

    any use?

  4. there's a few of us in with a chance of div 2 promo, rba. the Curse of Robbo did for us all last time. rotherham look strong, with bristol city favourites, i guess, but the vale will defo take the title, no question

    good luck to the shots, mate, 2 days to go.

  5. ay mate, should be a good year i thinks... who you got opening day again mate?

  6. Good advice that count to ten lark, shame I can only get up to eight.

    Now where's my Kalashnikov?

  7. See, I said eight, but I can't even spell second right.

    Lock and load!!!

  8. Where are my bloody shoes???


  9. Bury.


    Bury 1 Port Vale 3

    away to accrington stanley, i see, rba? thats like time travel, that fixture..gloom, mud, alphabet hoardings, cocaine from the chemists, handlebar moustaches, syphilis...the good old days!

  10. H2 - relax man - there's 80% off all beauty treatments at the link i posted above..

  11. Hey you know waht RBA mate? I'm starting to believe in you.......
    R..B..A.......R..B..A......R..B..A......R..B..A (In a trance slowwwwwwly)

  12. "gloom, mud, alphabet hoardings, cocaine from the chemists, handlebar moustaches, syphilis..." I know... the chemist, forward thinking bastards up north. and our syphillis tastes better.

    I am also going for the away win to get th season going. We've both had BIG changes in our squads so should be interesting.

    Hman, you live in relaxoland, everyone is high off ganga blowjobs on holland... you have no stress!

  13. That links shit blog mate... surely rohypnol is a beauty treatment???

    Cheers monk... i was offered a colun in the Daily Mail... till they found i live in a council flat. Ah well.

  14. Indeed, but if everybody's high, then who is really high?

    If every day is a sunny day then why does it never rain?

    We base our entire exsistance on the right to bitch, moan and whinge, I know this to be true cos I read it in the Woes.

  15. Yes there are too many stabbings caused by the build up of rage - an excellent sociological point.

    Only thing is this is dead depressing look at teh cheerful blog

  16. Holloway2Holland said...
    Indeed, but if everybody's high, then who is really high?


  17. Sorry adam,

    Eeryone forget you read my blog and go and read adams again...

    You'l be chuckling till the cows come home...

  18. Good Luck to all in Div 2 (Div 4)

    Ah yes alphabet hoardings at Millmoor, when some clunking forward would shoot well wide(that was the norm), and rattle the numbers, which then fall off

    Great Blog as ever

  19. It's about time somebody got angry with all these fuckers in a rage, shoot the bastards I say.

    It's all the parents fault. No, it's the government's fault. No, wait, it's society that's to blame. No, it's because of drugs. No, it's because of entitlement mentality and lack of personal accountability, well, that and short, soft prison terms and too few hangings and firing squads. Well, that and not enough good looking loose women. No, it's wait, er, because of foreigners in the Prem.

    If everybody visits Blog's link and lathers themselves with whale blubber there'd be far less rage and angry violence in the world.

  20. "If everybody visits Blog's link and lathers themselves with whale blubber there'd be far less rage and angry violence in the world."
    Fair less whales too, which of course will piss off the tree huggers sending them on a killing spree.

    See? We can't win, one persons happiness is anothers gloom, it all evens itself out in the end and the only real soloution is....errrrmmmm...well??? how the hell am I supposed to know? Stop bringing me down and hassleling my guys...

    RBA, puff, puff, give brudah.

  21. Tony tone... thanks mate. Your guys looking good me thinks, proper footy almost within reach now. Thanks for reading as ever mate...

    Trotts, exactly mate, everyones to fucking blame! thats the trouble, cunts the lot of them! i am yet to find a problem which doesn't have its roots in foriegners in the prem!

    H... nice virtu-ale(R) now has virtual-weed...

    guys play around with that, we need a good pun!

  22. Best I can come up with (on short notice) is

  23. Yes H... you are a legend at this!

  24. SPLIFFER™ a social network where you can make friends you'll never remember you met.

  25. Holloway2Holland said...
    We base our entire exsistance on the right to bitch, moan and whinge, I know this to be true cos I read it in the Woes.

    I had completely forgotten about that H2. And now that you have jogged my memory, I withdraw my comments on robbo's blog about how we keep cribbing about the young english footballers situation no matter what happens. cool are these cross-blog conversations. Well, to me at least. Never done it before.

  26. Cross bloging, or Xblogging as it's soon to be known is the new extreme sport.

    Don't try this at home kids, unless your battery on your smartphone runs out.

  27. Blogtastic RBA!

    And words like SPLIFFER and XBlogging are wordtastic!
    Gr8 going guys :)

  28. H... nice virtu-ale(R) now has virtual-weed...


  29. CYBER-WEED®?
    or WYSIWEED®? (Broken down, What You Smell Is WEED)

  30. or WYSIWIS®
    What You Smell Is What I Smoke

  31. I think a large part of the problem is that now-a-days society is incredibly image conscious, people believe that how they look is what defines them.
    I must take issue with this comment. Do I look fat in these jeans?

  32. CCs blog up and running,,10794~2112502,00.html