Monday, 17 May 2010

Weekends.... whats the point?

Greetings…

Ok then number three from the Woes, and after this weekend the WOES is definitely a fitting title for this little blog… well after a season of ups and downs, of hopes, of glories, of defeats and dashed dreams… We made it! The gateway to the promised land, the reception room to the world of dreams, the doormat of destiny, the stoop of greener pastures the garden path to a brighter tomorrow… yes ladies and gentleman the first leg of the first round of the play offs for the 2009/2010 fizzy pop league two… the winner of the these two arduous rounds gets a day out in north west London (Yessssssss), and the chance to play for a spot in the mighty league one (cowabunga)… I’ve goose-pimples just writing it down.

The excitement around town in the mawning was actually pretty impressive, a lot of people were drunk early, and I mean early even by Aldershot standards. The crowds were a sea of red and blue (and Burberry)… people were buzzing, their was a strange euphoria surrounding the town centre, one that has not been seen since the introduction of the £30 quarter back in 2004… as a town we were up for it… and considering the collective lethargic ethos of the Shot, it really was something to behold. Even the crazies (and Shot has a lot of them) were getting involved, the usual under breath mutterings of profanity and biblical apocalyptic predicictions were interspersed with football chants, one elderly woman even proclaiming that Marvin Morgan was the second coming of Christ and that Kevin Dillon was superman… Neither claim has yet been certified either way.

Anyway, the town was buzzing which is a good thing… however like most times of ecstasy, what goes up, usually has a comedown… and after a tight, nervy, edge of seat, nail biting, fist chomping, hide-behind-seat and prey 90 minutes of football, we come out with a one nil deficit and a trip to deepest darkest Rotherham ahead of us on Wednesday…. I’m not going Wednesday, mainly because I have a wife ready to give birth any day now but also because ever since I was lad I had an irrational fear of the Chuckle Brothers, and I understand that Paul and Barry are season ticket holders… Bullet dodged me thinks…

Speaking of which, if the situation did arise, just how do you kill a chuckle brother? I have researched this and according to the ancient texts written in a long since forgotten Rotherham tongue (I had Derrick Ancorah channel the spirit of a 3rd century Miller and translate the text) you need to first kill the head Chuckle in order to make the others mortal… BBC executives have been trying for the last 20 years since Paul and Barry entered in to a blood-deal with CBBC’s head of programming and that time Broom Closet aficionado Philip Schofield… They used their black magic to save the life of kids favorite Gorden The Gopher… From then on they have commanded the wills of the CBBC execs… in a deal which lasts till the demise of the Chuckles… thankfully this all plays out with hilarious consequences and Paul usually gets hit by a ladder or summat… anyway… what was I saying…

Oh yeah this weekend… unfortunately proving that better is actually better and better always wins… Pompey took the hopes of the nation to Wembley to put the giants to the sword and refill faith to under-dogs everywhere. And it all played out with sickening predictability, fair play to the blues I suppose… A well earned double that only came at the cost of hope for everyone everywhere forever… When does the world cup start???


So then, there it is KABLAM episode three, in the hizouse… on road, in the web, on net, part of the bogosphere, on line, and I am getting the hang of it just about… I type words about bollocks whilst trying to look busy at work go off on tangents and then publish this cack, in the faint hope that someone will read it and for just a split second of time, I will be more important than someone else somewhere, kind of, just a little bit…

As ever I’d like to thank you all for reading and apologise for wasting your time, just think in the 2 minutes or so you’ve just spent reading this tripe you could have, cooked minute rice (twice), run around the block (twice) eaten a Curly Wurly (twice) made love to your wife (thrice) or done some work….


Twitter is forbidden in my religion but if you want to follow me please let me know in advance so I can speak to the authorities and have restraining orders put in place.

Its been nice WOEing you….. (too cheesy yeah?)



(The writer would like to assure you all that no Chuckles were harmed or raised in the writing of this blog).

40 comments:

  1. (The writer would like to assure you all that no Chuckles were harmed or raised in the writing of this blog).

    Why not. Track them down and execute them I say

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  2. and can you untick verification it's dead annoying

    GNEV RULES

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  3. RBA - Good luck with the impending birth mate. I suppose he will be born pre-loaded with the self preserving skills that you need in Aldershot. i.e. Cage Fighting

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  4. Easy fellas, thanks for stopping by... Ok adam, i stopped the silly verification thing... and also plyed god and changed the time... (robbo take note lad!).

    Scholesy, cheers lad... he will be hopefully born with the ashot attributes of cage fighting and stealing lead of church roofs...

    Hows your little one?

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  5. I read it.

    I want to move to Aldershot.



    And start my own drug dealing business.

    Are there any government grants available?




    Oh yes, and read mine, its around somewhere.

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  6. SNF5, up top and down below.

    Good stuff bro-ham, had me larfing or LOLing or whatever da kids are calling it these days.

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  7. H-man... SNh5, with a snap "perfshaw" (Jazzy Jeff Fresh Prince 93 style)

    Gaz, you can get a government grant to sell drugs though you are required by law to go to job seekers at least once a month to keep on reiciving it...

    thanks fro reading fellas...

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  8. RBA,what have you done?Trying to track this blog down now is a nightmare.Are you testing us?

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  9. Sorry Jacks...

    Teething trouble are inevitable in the early days of any blog... but now we should be sorted... i changed me URL to Aldershotwoes.blogspot... this has caused the problems, but should be ultimately worth it.

    i am also at the interbiew stage with a collection of junkies who i am going to pay to run teh pre-moderation part of the blog...

    plus, real time, no verification... were on the up!

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  10. Excellent RBA.Are you going to be replying to us a la CC?

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  11. Jacks, i will untill my ego gets to big for my boots... but i'll do my best...

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  12. excellent.How many questions/points of order do you think it will take you to flip your lid?

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  13. Not to many Jacks, i'm highly strung as it is...

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  14. Being based in Aldershot,I would have thought you'd be high all the time...

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  15. JAcks... and thats just off the fumes...

    Serioulsy though thier is junkie who has taken up reisdence in my block of flats stariwell... he is so sly he creeps in junks himself up on skag, then skuttles off leaving his mess behind, a pipe manufactured out of a stella fag ash, bits of tinfoil and a tiny puddle of blood... but i just cant ctach him!!! He must be like one of them squirells inthe old carling advert... doing my nut in!

    I may blog on it...

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  16. A couple of points:

    Firstly - do you accept that "RBA" has a varying standard of blog? As n sometimes he has good ones, sometimes bad ones. Would you consider this one of the good ones or bad ones? Why?

    Secondly - this should be obvious but just in case - I read several blogs on the internet and many articles. RBA is not the sole source of material. I realise RBA is not a journalist in the McNulty bracket and I agree with you that McNulty is pretty dire in terms of grasp of the sport he covers and actual writing style. Over use of unneccessary adjectives, self justification at evey opportunity, one sentance meaningless paragraphs and failure to acknowledge when hes wrong. I occasionally read his blogs but have almost no expectation levels for them and I seldom comment because the moderation system is diabolical.

    RBA is a different breed but must still be judged by some standard of criteria. Its not good enough to excuse lame attempts and weak efforts with "its only a laugh" or "not meant to be serious". As I see it RBA's job is to provide a bi weekly blog on sporting (primarily football) events from the viewpoint of a stereotype rather grumpy northern Englishman (which is meant to be the basis of humour).

    Now the benefits of RBAsblog is that its moderation policy, unlike many other blogs, facilitates easy discussion. This is a liberty that has been afforded to RBA rather than anything to do with RBA himself. It should have no bearing on the quality of the blog material. However, the comments section as I have atested to before has basically far outgrown the blog itself in terms of attraction. Most people log in priamrily to chat to each other. While I have absolutely no objections to this, I do feel that the blog should still attempt to provide a good source of debate to those who wish to discuss sport and not simply trade jokes with fellow regulars. When this doesnt happen I will admit to being chagrined. The regulars on the blog maintain only a passing interest in the actual blog itself so when I criticise the blog they seem to see it as some kind of attack on them - I can assure you it isnt, my cmments are directed at "RBA".

    Todays blog lacked any real substance and was largely a pointless (supposed to be humorous) rant at pampered players combined with "RBA" reminiscing of his early "Adershot" days. There was a very brief mention of the Bayern v Lyon game which glossd over pretty much everything (no mention of Riberys red card) other than a bit on Robben. We also had a bit on Watford v QPR - a game I hadnt seen and still know nothing about. This is hardly the funtain of great debate is it? Its fine if you want to log in and chat amongst the other regulars but if you were hoping to discuss some football its doesnt give you much to work with.

    As Ive said before, the blog has potential and its moderation policy is good. It provides a forum for a group of people who have largely made it their own to discuss the daily goings on. Despite this being adequate justification to keep the blog, I dont think it was within its origianl parameters and I myself am looking for something more in line with the blogs original aim. This seems to go against the status quo though and hence the dislike directed towards me.

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  17. ow do rba, i see "I" am hving my usual pop (above) why oh why dont "I" shut up and leave you alone? your blogs are tops, mate!

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  18. fbh - this is goign to get confuding int it? even more chaos! hahaha i like it!

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  19. Nice blog RBA, very funny.

    Blog, i had a serious sense of deja va as i was reading that lengthy post, wonder why!

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  20. Blog - if you are naughty do people shout Blogdignag - as in your sunday name

    And yeah - I havent a clue whether Im posting on the BBC, Tweeting on Twitter, ranting on robbo or talking utter bollokcs on RBA (and several other websites!!!!

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  21. RBA
    Must admit it was a tight game. You had some good chances first half, but our back four played weel esp in 2nd half, when we controlled things better, then came the st Gerrard moment

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  22. Also
    Good luck with the impending arrival

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  23. And after the Chuckle Bros, dont foerget Howard Webb

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  24. RBA - An idea to get rid of the junkie. Put up A3 posters of mcnumptys blogs in and around the area, whilst bombarding him with the same PSB song on a loop.

    My lad is great thanks. Just starting to smile without the suspicion that he is about to shit himself....aw bless. Trouble is i try out some gags on him and get some smiles so i think im actually starting to be funny and then there is a loud parp and im changing his nappy!

    Good blog mate!

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  25. That was a good chuckle RBA and we all need a chuckle, well done, keep it up if you have time and post your address so I can send the nipper a Bolton shirt!

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  26. No such bthing as a good chuckle Trott, Brother that is.
    Nice jesture, but I'm not sure if Bolton shirt's are allowed that far south mate, could be a good junkie repellent though, even crackheads have standards. ;p

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  27. Fuck me, this is getting complicated. I had to call Blogspot Customer Services for some help in an internet cafe in Manali and the bloke next to me answered the phone. He then put me on hold so he could finish his samosa. Lying bastard.

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  28. Hmmmmmmmmmm, shall I change my pic to the Chuckle Bros?

    Was their 2008 tour "Indiana Chuckles and The Kingdom of the Mythical Sulk" a foretaste of Didiers antics?

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  29. Hi Jacks,
    Did you catch them at the Opera house in Aril,
    to me to you, again

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  30. Hi tone.I've got backstage passes.To me,to you,to me,to you...

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  31. Blogs: HAHAHA... oh mate actual tears of laughter this morning... brilliant. truly brilliant sir...

    Jacks: "NORM"

    Scholes: Glad to hear the little lad is smiling and pooping, lets be honest when ever anyone does a large poo they always sit with an an incredibly smug grin spread over thier mooey... Just me the? Glad the little ones doing well though mate...

    TommyB: Get you in india, hope you have been keeping up with the news as old blighty has changed a fair bit... robot overlords, civil war in wales, gordan brown kidnapped dave cammerons cat, but as usual made a huge mistake and nicked Kris Kamaras cat, he is gutted... oh its all changed.

    Trotter: How'do... no need to send me a bolton shirt... i have enough nappies, haha... On a serious note the boy is welcome to support anyone he wants...
    of course thats a lie, he'll have the choice of aldershot or an orphange.

    FBH: Easy mate, yeah its a bit confusing but i think the now we have so many more avenues to express our bollocks, it can only be a good thing.

    TP: Cheers mate... gald you have made it over to the dark side.

    H-man... SAME NAME HIGH FIVE!

    and lastly... Tone!
    Thanks for not gloating.... as i said before i'll be cheering for you lot at wembers (if you make it)...

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  32. Where is JDR when you need him. And why is sime druggie blog getting more comments than my non synthpop (honest) blog :)

    Need some votes for the poll lads so don't forget to log onto http://adampsb.blogspot.com/2010/05/world-cup-theme-songs.html

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  33. Because the woes are class lad... some druggy blog... i've not touched drugs for nearly 2 years... and thats an achievement.

    But i suppose thier is a narcotic undercurrent to the blog...

    I liked your blog by the way fella... you can do words and stuff good...

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  34. i actually do love you guys. in a manly way of corse

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  35. as a catchy sign-off, rba, how about : Woeing me Woeing you : A- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

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  36. im still twittering. rba, but i agree with your principalled rejection really. theres an infinte sea of people trying to be smartass so theres a large comic potential. i just joined "cuntoftheweek" - nominating mcnumpty of course; and to keep balance i signed up for "Mysogenywatch" praising her work, nowing she'll see me nomination for cunt of the week. hehehe childish.

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