Friday, 3 September 2010


Hello and welcome to another Friday edition of the Aldershot Woes, this is the 40th installation of the Woes so expect a mid blog crisis half way through the article where I start going to festivals, wearing trainers, and knobbing my secretary to prove I am still a real blog goddammit!

Its Friday, and as such I was thinking of writing some light hearted musings about cakes or blowing off or something equally unchallenging and brain-dead to help us all kill some time before we all naff off for the weekend, but then I read about how Stephen Hawking called the pope a liar and stupid and gave him a Chinese burn and claimed that only a man with a chewed up dog toy for a brain could possibly believe that god made the universe, so instead I am going to write about the creation of the universe and the existence of god.
Some people like to know they are being looked after, they like security, and they like harmony, so they look at the unknown reason of existence and apply this desired comfort to their outlook of it and decide it’s much easier to live thinking that everything has a purpose and a plan, that people should be good and not complete bastards and above all else there is a point to life. Ahhhhh, relaxing! Other people want to look after life, rather than have it look after them, they want to know why life is like it is and how it got to be that way. They hate the idea that life is not in their hands to control and that they are merely the moving cogs in a divine plan set in motion by some omnipresent deity, they see actions and reactions and the idea of fate scares them to death as it essentially renders them powerless in life. So they look at the unknown reason for existence and apply this outlook to it, and decide it is far easier to live life knowing that one thing only happens as a result of another thing happening and that ultimately life and what we do with it is entirely up to us… Eureka, relaxing! Both of these seem like rational enough courses to take in life, I can see how the idea of God looking after you would comfort you, knowing that no matter what horrendous thing happens ultimately it is for the greater good. I can also see that knowing we can shape and manipulate life for our own gain, knowing that we are the true masters of our destiny also provides a huge amount of relief in your day to day life. The two opposing schools of thought offer purpose of existence depending on your mindset, so every ones happy and its all good, surely? Well no it’s not, its all bloody terrible… apparently.

Science and religion are constantly bickering like brother and sister on a rainy Saturday afternoon, it’s an argument of perpetual one-upmanship, each side occasionally proves a point but eventually it comes back to “yeah butt” and “prove it” as an exercise of futility its probably up their with Heskey’s England career. And the area which creates the greatest amount of furore is existence. Not the why which strikes me as the larger question but the how, the religious say it was all god, he made the universe and everything in it as part of some huge plan we’re all to thick to really understand, but stick with as eternal bliss is waiting for us, provided were not complete arseholes. He even made man in his own image, although not in his skill set as he made the universe and your average human can’t make an Ikea flat-pack chest-of-draws. The scientists believe its all explainable, a series of causes and events for the last squillion years have resulted in our tiny bubble of life, thanks to the right steps in the expansion of the universe we happen to be just the right distance from the sun to not burn or freeze and as a result water and sticks and stuff are around, and then thanks to a fish making a choice about a trillion years ago we were set on a evolutionary chain of events that has left us now as the proud bum scratching i-phone owning leaders of the world. If I am honest neither explanation makes much sense to me. No one knows do they. I mean religious people can say it’s all in some ancient texts or an angel told them or anything really, and well as highly unlikely as it is, I can’t prove them wrong, but what they have to back them up is faith, so it’s open to scepticism. Science people though they have the big bang theory, and they act as if this is real science… but it isn’t. Its scientific faith, and is no more provable than religion. It’s a hypothesis with some manipulated evidence to back it up, and I would not be at all surprised if in 50 years time people snicker at big-bang theorists in the same way Columbus chuckled his tits off at the flat-earth berks…

I think we’d all be better off if religious people focused their do-goodness on some actual causes rather than rowing with a man in a wheel chair, and science cured cancer or gave me hover boots rather than antagonising a bunch of god-botherers. In the end were asking questions we are not equipped to answer, so all were left with is futile bickering. My stance is this, science will take us so far and help us a great deal but some questions need to remain unanswered to make life exciting, the how’s why’s and what the f*cks of life are what its all about. As such I’m starting my own school of thought “Maybeism” we have no core beliefs and anything that is not 100% provable we give it a warm MAYBE, shrug and carry on with life. (I was going to end with it being a portmanteau of religion and science called “reliance” but feared any lactose intolerant readers would die).



  1. Seriously Science battles it ourt with religion because if religion is true then not only are we responsible for our actions but we will also be held to account for then by a higher being when deceased (not to mention the possibility of divine retribution while we are alive).

    Science only has ethics because it is forced to and if there is no God there is no punsihment therefore no need for morals and ethics.

    I for one hope there is a God so that Hawking, Dawkins (bit of a pattern there) and Simon Cowell get their comeuppance

  2. Maybeism sounds great, I might join up.

  3. maybe a jaffa cake is a biscuit?

  4. Maybeism is definitly, well probably, at least I think it could be, the answer to everything.

    Can I prove it?


    See it's briliant.

    All we have to do is get some Hollywood types to endoarse it, well at least consider it and the power of Maybe will be unleashed on the world.

    Watch out Scientology, there's a new kid on the block, maybe.

  5. im on a lifelong lonely search for the legendary blue jaffa cake

  6. The legendary blue jaffa cake is a myth (not a biscuit)

  7. All hail "Maybeism"!!!
    As you said, we never know which party is right. Both science and religion are right in their own terms... All I know is that there is some superpower thats holding the humanity on Earth together and other planets that make this Universe. Now you name it as God or Gravity; it's the same. G-Force would be the appropriate word acc. to me.

    Good blog Sir.

  8. id like to see a televised debate between the maybeists, the splinter group the cantdecideonewayoranotherites and their hated rivals the dontaskuswereevenmorecluelessthanyouareatarians

    i think in the end they will be a pogrom and after a bloodbath during which like the Moriori the gathered forces of the confused will puzzle over whether to defend them selves and slothful and fat whateverimofftothepubistas will triumph

  9. yeah....what blog said....... motherfuckers

  10. Brilliant 40th woe. Stick a sparkly candle in it RBA. It's fuckin' great to have someone who addresses the real issues of humanity and beyond.

    I reckon that each of the 6 or 7 days of creation was really like 10 billion years and we're still on the 7th day when God's having a rest, perhaps a roast beef lunch followed by a nap in the big gold armchair. All I need to know is that I'm not God, and there's something (lots of things really) far more relevant, important and powerful than me, like 2 blokes playing dominoes in a pub or the collective wisdom of the United Nations, or the England coaching staff or clouds, or trees. Whether God's paying attention or not, his basic rules were pretty sound.

    There's loads of ace scientists worshipping God in all whatever glory they perceive him to have, wonder how they reconcile it? Then they go deeper and deeper into space and inform us that at best, the earth is less than a miniscule pimple on the arse of creation (it'd take some scratchin') and the farther they go the less relevant earth becomes. From this, my scientific mind has deduced that nothing really matters your best, be honest and talk to God (or a maybeist).

    Heaven isn't just a place we (maybe) go when we die, it's what we leave behind in the hearts and minds of those we've loved while we were here.

  11. nah mate its the blue jaffa cake

  12. Blaise Pascal was a maybeist.He said that the logical point of view with a God like figure is to believe in him.If there is a god you've got it right and if there isn't one it doesn't matter anyway.

    RBA and Pascal.Singing off the same hymn sheet.

    Knowing RBA's typing skills(learnt at the FBH school of tryping)I'm just pleased he didn't talk about a mythical dog.Poor old Sisko wouldn't have been impressed.

  13. Is it a coincidence that god is dog spelt backwards?

    If a dog is man's best friend, does the above logic lead us to belive that god hates us?

    Maybe, why else would he ask his followers to go to church on Sunday afternoon when there might be footy on. Also it's some peoples only free day.

  14. they say you die twice, trott, onc when you stop breathing and the next time when someone mentions your name for the last time.

    i have my own plan for immortality as expressed in my epitaph:

    the name of "blogdignag" (not my real name)
    we shall not forget
    not until hes out of debt

  15. isnt religion a cunning stratagem some use to make out they know something which cant possibly be known and give them an excuse for hating homosexualists whilst at the same time sexually abusing choirboys

  16. you know the thing i like most about writing the woes is that you lot always put far more thought in to the subject than i do... and this one is the best yst, insightful witty and brilliant, great comments section!

    thank you all for reading and leaving precious words...