Hello once more and welcome back to the blog that shines a light of ignorance on to the world and then makes lewd shadow puppets. Episode 44: 2010
Ok it’s only September and usually that’s considered a little bit early for a round up of the year that has been, usually this sort of look back over the year happens at Christmas time when were all thinking “Jesus this year went quick”, before we enter a mire of misery as we contemplate our own mortality and try to work out whether the last 12 months have been an absolute waste of time or not. But it is already safe to say that 2010 is the worst year since records began, I mean October through December is going to have to bring nothing but diamonds and blow jobs for us all, for this year to even be considered remotely OK. It’s been an absolute shambles, from every aspect that broader life can be judged. We may have had personal joys, little selfish pockets of merriment, being a selfish prick myself I had a son, who is brilliant, and I know some people who have got married and some who have had holidays, but I am not talking about little micro nuggets of bliss, I am talking about the bigger picture, which at present looks like it was painted by Hieronymus Bosch on a downer… things are bleak.
In every aspect of life we are looking haggard and you can’t blame the pessimists amongst us for thinking that old mankind is on the ropes and his day is just about numbered. The world, for want of a better phrase, is going to shi!t, and society is mirroring it perfectly. I think that mankind (I mean us, not the wrestler for any confused readers) is subconsciously sabotaging itself in preparation for the Armageddon, I think we are purposely making as bigger balls up of the world as we can so when the day comes that we do all fire nuclear bombs at ourselves, or the ice caps melt or one of the other trillion ways in which life on this damp ball of earth can be extinguished, we all think “Ah well, its all bollocksed anyway”, we are currently “ragging” the planet like it’s a rental car on the last day of our holidays… The reason I believe we are on this predispositioned road of destruction is because this year for an unknown reason the UK decided it wanted a Tory Government. And we did this on the back of them, straight to our faces, telling us that they will cut the money spent on us, will increase the money they take from us and do it all in order to pay off the debts that we didn’t make. They didn’t lie, they said there will be job cuts, they said there will be public spending cuts, they said that the money they save will pay off the “deficit” in government borrowing, they did all of this right to our faces, their only trick was to smile when they told us this… and more than 50% of us thought this was a good idea and voted for them. Now they are in charge and hacking money away from where it matters most to regular people, Education (they can buy theirs) Health Care (they can buy theirs) and Justice (again, they can buy theirs). And whilst they have drastic reforms to the welfare system denying those in need and beating them on the nose with a copy of the Daily Mail like a naughty dog, they are prepared to spend a hundred times more the amount on nuclear weapons which we will then sign up not to use… And we voted for them, subconscious sabotage is the only logical explanation.
But before this turns in to a huge anti-tory propaganda sheet, lets get back to the matter, the sh!tty old year its been, and politics are only half of the reason. We may have rising unemployment, and double dip recessions to deal with, and all hopes of us being saved by the “other side” look like they rest with 2 posh brothers who look like page boys at a dukes wedding, but surely society is doing ok? Well no, society only exists on computers and if you go outside you’ll get stabbed in the face, eaten by a Staffy and propositioned by half the England national football team, society is far from OK, and why should it be what do we have to be happy about, nothing… we have gone from sunshine happiness and affordable consumer goods to STI’s, Speedballs and 11 out of 10 British people being from Umygoomygulu land. But 2010 had the potential to be a corker, especially as summer rolled in bringing sunshine and a World Cup, but all it delivered were Rob Green, tears and more wasps than in ANY year previous. And I think we all know it is no coincidence that as misery rises so do wasps… Wasps are like the Ooze in Ghostbusters 2, they feed off human suffering and grow strong from our sadness. So 2010 brought us betrayal from our populous as we voted in the cretin brigade, disappointment from our preened ho-banging footballers and the I-phone 4. 2010 is easily the worst since records began and I really can’t see things getting any better before Christmas is done and dusted… roll on 2011.